I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
