I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
