Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
