Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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