Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
