When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
