one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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