i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
