I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
