Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
