i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
