He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
