Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
