I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
