God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
