Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
