i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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