Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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