wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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