I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
