My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
