Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
