My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
