playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
