Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
NoShamevember. You game?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
