We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
