So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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