my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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