Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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