hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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