What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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