When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
