she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
