I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
