According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't turn off my feet"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
