Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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