Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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