He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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