I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So many bounce houses so little time
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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