new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
