there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i drank out of a bidet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize