My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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