So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize