Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Shame - the story of my life.
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