Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
