I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
