yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Drunk is not a location!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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