You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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