Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
