I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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