Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
