i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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