i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
