all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
