my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
