i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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