I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
