once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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