Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
