Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
