ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize