The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
