so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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