Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We had to coat check the pizza.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
