Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
