The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
