i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
