Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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