I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
