K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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