dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
