we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
