why didn't you poke me back
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
