wat bout pragnant strippers??
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
