I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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