The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
