I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
