I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
