And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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