woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Green mimosas i think yes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
