Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
