I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
