pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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